I am heaven sent. 
Don’t you dare forget. 
I am all you've ever wanted, 
What all the other boys all promised. 
Sorry I told, I just needed you to know. 
I think in decimals and dollars, 
I am the cause to all your problems. 
Shelter from cold. 
We are never alone. 
Coordinate brain and mouth, 
Then ask me what its like to have my self so figured out.
Wish I knew. 




i'm seriously thinking about starting a new blog and 
documenting the scary/crazy crap that goes on in my 
life in a sorority
i'm not sure how i would do it though.  i don't want
to give away too much information or make it obvious to 
which sorority i am in, where i go to school, who these girls
are that i'm talking about. but i feel that it would be a really 
great thing  to write about... hmmmmmmmmmm

Fate is an elegant, cold-hearted whore
She loves salting my wounds
Yes, she enjoys nothing more
I bleed confidence from deep within my guts now
I’m the queen of this pity party with my jewel encrusted crown

I wanna tear apart your room
to see if what you say is true
Darling don't you lie, lie to me
I wanna break into your heart
to see why you want us apart
I’m scared to death to find out what you think of me

According to you we don’t click,
that’s a blatant lie and you know it
Angel, what are you hiding from me?
If there is truly another secret lunch-break,
working late lover
then I would die, but at least then I’d be free...



i hope you get it now.

---

been listening to a lot of Dave and The Spill Canvas. Also, have fished out the old stand-by: The Break Up CD. I'm not exactly sure why I love this CD so much, but it just seems to have the perfectly correct compliation of songs on it, from the rage inducing songs that cheer me up and make me feel rightiously angry, to the sad, slow ballads that make me want to weep from the bottled up pain on the inside.
man, its nice to drive around, the AC on high and this CD blasting in my speakers.


also, my spacebar seems to be sticking. weird.

The organic heart always finds a way...
To keep the peace for everyday...
In my mindseye, so clear,
The Image of you,
but for my hand, it seems...
to hard to pursue.
I must have drawn your face a hundred times...
An inspiration to me,
But hard to define.
For all the things I seem to miss,
If I capture your heart,
The ESSENCE exists.

Our Severus, who art in hogwarts,

Hallowed be thy nose.

Thy caulrdon come.

Thy will be done,

On the astronomy tower as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily potion.

And forgive us our bad grades,

As we forgive those who curse our asses off.

And lead us not into detention,

But deliver us from evil.

For thou is the hotness,

and the smartness,

and teh SEX,

for ever and ever.

Avada kedavera.

Among these Jews there suddenly turns up a man who goes about talking as if He was God. He claims to forgive sins. He says He has always existed. He says He is coming to judge the world at the end of time. Now let us get this clear. Among Pantheists, like the Indians, anyone might say that he was a part of God, or one with God: there would be nothing very odd about it. But this man, since He was a Jew, could not mean that kind of God. God, in their language, meant the Being outside of the world, who had made it and was infinitely different from anything else. And when you have grasped that, you will see that what this man said was, quite simply, the most shocking thing that has ever been uttered by human lips.
  C.S. Lewis

yes, really. i am. slightly sad in way.
honestly, i'm thinking about giving up on this blog and starting a new one.
yes, i said i new one. i haven't updated this one in forever, its from the start of college. while i'm not done yet, i dont feel like i should be continuing writing here.
something to think about.

she won't let go gonna roll the dice
Losing her grace, starts to cry
I feel her pain when I look in her eyes

I wanna be
I want everything, I want everything

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ warning: writing below

She'd been new to ______, scared and about as alone as a freshman could be. He'd come to her table and sat down right next to her. She'd reached for her tray, but then he'd asked if he could join her, so it hadn't been a mistake, she hadn't trespassed.

She'd nodded, then blushed, then looked at her cottage cheese, wondering what he wanted from her. It must have been a trick or a hazing ritual or something equally heinous that would be revealed all too soon. Because the guy smiling at her was a major babe. Not like a jock or a movie star or anything like that, but it was all there—the eyes, the lips, the height, the way he moved and smiled.

For her, he was the one. Always had been. Always would be. Just her damn luck.

what do you consider to be leading someone on?

the urban dictionary says that: It usually means that a girl or guy is behaving in a teasing or sexy way that dupes someone into thinking that they will be willing to have a relationship with them but at the last minute they back out of the deal.

so what do you do when someone you know leads some one you care about on? is it your place to say "hey buddy, you might really like her a lot, but she's saying that you two are just friends. plus she dicking around with some one else"?
or is it not your place to say anything, to hope that they figure it out before they get their heart either ripped out of their chest or completely trampled on.
then after, do you have a right to not really like the person who did the ripping out? are you obligated to protect one friend while sacrificing another?

i think i am a little biased on this issue. on one hand, i'd like to be pissed off at the person doing this. but also, is it any of my business at all? when i brought this up to my best friend, i was told that no, it wasn't my place to interfere, that if someone wanted to be a bitch and lead someone else on, that was their business and none of mine. but honestly, do i have to sit around and watch someone get hurt? i'm not sure.


"are you mad at me for something?"
"do i have any reason to be mad at you?"
"no"
"then you should assume that i'm not mad"


people make life difficult. and everyone wonders why i enjoy beling by myself just as much as i like being with other people. less complication if you hang out by yourself, less drama, and then you can tell people honestly "no, i have no clue what you are talking about. i'm not involved in that bit o' drama"

sheesh

sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass.
and when the dam bursts all you can do is swim
the world of pretend is a cage not a cocoon. we can only lie to ourselves for so long
we are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth.
sooner or later we have to put aside our denail and face the world.
head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in egypt.
it's a freakin ocean.
so how do you keep from drowning in it?

In my econ class today, we had this terrific guest speaker who talked about what Islam really was:

1. There is only one God.
2. You are responsible only for yourself.
3. We are all sons of Adam.
4. There are 5 Holy Books.
5. There are 25 Prophets, but they all had 1 message.
6. Mohammed is the last Messenger.

also, 1 out of 5 people in the world are Muslim.

That is just a little bit of the notes that I took (we didn't have to take them, but I wanted to).

Then he made this very interesting comparison between Timmothy McVeigh and Al Qaeda, saying that even though McVeigh was a Christian, we don't view all Christains as terriorists, but because of Al Qaeda, we view all muslims as terriorists.

I found this a very valid point, since the whole basis of Islam is peace. It is only the extreemists that view killing others in the name of Allah as the sure ticket into getting into Paraidise.

We were asked to write three questions and post them to our WebCT class page. Before posting her questions, this chick in my class completely blew what out Guest Speaker said out of context, saying that McVeigh was just a young kid that needed help, forgetting the fact that maybe some of the young kids in Al Qaeda needed help too.

So, what, it is ok for us to overlook the fact that we have our own brand of terrorists right here in our own back yard just because they are troubled kids? We have to find the enemy in a group of people who just might have as many problems as we do? How typically American of us.

I wrote the girl back and attempted to set her straight about what he was trying to compare. Part of me hopes that she just misunderstood and will now get it, but the other part of me kinda hopes that she flips out an bitches at me. I'd love to see her reasoning behind her thoughts.

I got my first injection of Guardasil today. one down, two to go.
painful? hell yes. more than a tetnus shot. owie
but the swelling in my arm has gone down.

this is really such an important thing for young women to get. its not recommended for women over 26, but come on: a vaccination against the 4 most common types of cervical cancer? yes please.
i hate it when people, esp males, say that its just a vaccination against STDs. ok, fine, if you want to get technical, yes it is. but honestly, i'm thinking of it as a way to protect myself froma devistating and very deadly type of cancer. the STD protection is just a very lovely side-effect of not dying or having to have chemo at a young age.

must go for my next one in may and then again in sept. owie. while i'm not looking forward to this, i am looking forward to having them all done and over with. goody.